Making the Fat Cry!

 So here it is the beginning of February and I am 16lbs lighter. Holy cow I cannot believe it myself! I would love to tell you it has been all because of my hard work, but to be truthful it has been pretty easy so far (ahh jinxing myself!!!). My mind is so set on changing my life that I really am confident with all my food choices and workouts. I have been following the Weight Watchers 360 program and doing a Couch to 5K program. I also have a 10K training plan set and my half training plan in place. So I am feeling really good about life right now. My back had been about 75% better! I noticed a difference after the first 5lbs, by 10lbs I could run and not feel to much pain with some stretching of my back and hips. Now I am running regularly and having very minimal pain. Right now I am holding tight on to this weight and fitness accomplishment. I know I will be hitting a wall someday so while I am on cloud 9 I am going to enjoy it.

10 Lbs!

I have reached the 10 pound mark of my weight loss. I am so happy about it. You never realize how just 10lbs effects your body! I feel so much better. My back/hip problem isn't nearly as bad as it used to be. I feel less puffy. I have so much more energy. It is amazing.
 At first I felt like in comparison to the weight I have to lose total, 10 lbs was just peanuts. I was feeling a little "meh" about it. Until I pick up a bag a flour, and thought this was half of what I lost. OMG! This heavyish 5lb bag of flour is only half of what I lost! How did I carry that around for so long? No wonder I was so miserable.

Journey of a Fat Girl

Recently I received an email from an old childhood acquaintance. She was asking for forgiveness because one time, during those awful tween years, she called me fat and made me cry. The second I read the email I started crying. To be honest I don't remember this incident. But spending my entire life struggling with my weight, and being called fat more times then I can want to count, I don't doubt that it happened. If you're wondering, I did forgive her. She needed the forgiveness for her own journey, and how could holding a grudge make me a better person.
 This email came with amazing coincidence. This holiday season brought me to my highest weight and lowest view of self worth. I think thats why it made me cry. It reminded me that this is my fat life. Things have always been this way. I have been struggling to be an acceptable weight my whole life. In my teens I was part of the skinny club, but not without some meal skipping. Usually things are very up and down, especially with 3 pregnancies.
 One day I was busy running around getting my 6 year old daughter ready for school, when she turned to me and said:
"does this jacket make me look fat?"
 I stopped dead in my tracks. "What?"
"Never mind"
 My daughter has never been self conscious before, and I am sure some kid at school made a dumb joke about jackets making kids look fat, but my heart broke at that moment. I realized my battle may someday be hers.
 That was the moment something in me changed. My main goal is life is to raise happy, healthy, confident children. How can I possible do that when my own self worth is so low. I have tried to change many times, and it isn't an easy road. I know the journey ahead isn't going to be smooth sailing. There is going to be failure and fall backs, but I will keep going.
Right now I have 2 goals, Lose weight healthily, and get back into shape and run the shit out of that 13.1 in October.
 I work best with dead line, it forces me to make a plan and stick to it. So I have given my self til my youngest 1st birthday in June to lose 50lbs. That is 2lbs a week, a very reasonable goal. I stared this journey a couple weeks ago and already feel so much better. And I have lost 8lbs :) 
 I am doing this for my children, but mostly I am doing it for me.

Time to remove the couch from my ass....Again!

I have been using the phrase "When I start running again..." way to much lately and not actually running. So tomorrow I am going to start the "Couch to 5K" program from the beginning. Hopefully getting back into a running routine will restart my mojo and get me back in runner mode.
13.1 I am coming to getcha! :)

Oh Sh*t!

Okay internet world, I did it. I pulled the trigger. I made the leap. I did something I was really scared of. I registered for a Half Marathon. My original plan for this coming year was to get back into running and do some 5Ks and 10Ks. But with no plan, and no "A" race I am so lost with my training and just can't seem to get into it. I run/walk (or slog as I like to call it) a couple miles here and there but nothing consistent. I am also carrying around A LOT of extra weight from baby #3 that doesn't seem to want to budge as quickly as it had the last couple times. I really needed something to scare me into training my ass off. Literally! 
So I gave myself an "A" race. The race I have wanted to do all along. My goal race. The race I have been afraid to face. The Half Marathon. I know to some the 13.1 distance is not much. But When I started this journey a 5K seemed impossible to me never mind a Half. I chose the Smuttynose Rockfest HALF Marathon. Mostly because I hear it's pretty flat and it's not to far from home. I also felt this year was a good year to just do it because I have joined an amazing team of women at Team Tough Chick and I will have great support to get through any fears I face.
 So here I sit, 60-70lbs over weight, no training plan just yet, no nutrition plan to follow and a Half Marathon just under a year away. Hoping I can get my shit together to pull this off.

What have I done!!!!

Challenges

So the biggest challenge I have faced when trying to get back on track with my running is my back. Three pregnancies and births really have done a number on my lower back and hips. Off and on for the last 6 years I have had sciatic pain. It's this awful nerve pinching that shoots sharp pain down your leg. Making it very hard to move around. It was never really that bad, I would just move the wrong way and it would act up. Then I would rest and it would be better the next day. When I started running it never bothered me unless I was running longer runs like 4-6 miles. Even then I would have to sit and rest for the day and it would be better the next day. But pregnancy and baby number three decided to make things worse. Since peeing on the stick my sciatic had been acting up in a bad way. I assumed giving birth was the cure. Ha! Silly me. I hobbled my way out of the hospital in worse shape then going in almost. So I went to the chiropractor and got adjusted. Which helped. Until I decided to strap on my sneakers and go out for my first post-baby run. Yeah, I couldn't move. Making parenting very difficult. So anyway, I am now working with my chiropractor trying to get myself in good condition to train for and run a 13.1. I am just now able to run a little at a time, although it still acts up a bit. But it gets better every day and although things aren't moving as fast as I would like, it IS getting better. And with a lot of time and patients I WILL reach my 13.1 goal.
 My other challenge is to eat the right foods and lose some weight which will greatly help my back issues. I am still stuck in my very bad pregnancy eating habits. Which were extremely bad! So starting today I am only putting healthy whole foods in me and cutting down on my gigantic serving sizes. "What? You mean a whole pizza isn't a proper serving size??"
 I am making life changes today! I know it won't go smoothly and I won't always be perfect (I know! Hard to believe.) But I will sure as hell try my hardest and I will run those 13.1 miles!!