Wednesday, January 23, 2013

10 Lbs!

I have reached the 10 pound mark of my weight loss. I am so happy about it. You never realize how just 10lbs effects your body! I feel so much better. My back/hip problem isn't nearly as bad as it used to be. I feel less puffy. I have so much more energy. It is amazing.
 At first I felt like in comparison to the weight I have to lose total, 10 lbs was just peanuts. I was feeling a little "meh" about it. Until I pick up a bag a flour, and thought this was half of what I lost. OMG! This heavyish 5lb bag of flour is only half of what I lost! How did I carry that around for so long? No wonder I was so miserable.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Journey of a Fat Girl

Recently I received an email from an old childhood acquaintance. She was asking for forgiveness because one time, during those awful tween years, she called me fat and made me cry. The second I read the email I started crying. To be honest I don't remember this incident. But spending my entire life struggling with my weight, and being called fat more times then I can want to count, I don't doubt that it happened. If you're wondering, I did forgive her. She needed the forgiveness for her own journey, and how could holding a grudge make me a better person.
 This email came with amazing coincidence. This holiday season brought me to my highest weight and lowest view of self worth. I think thats why it made me cry. It reminded me that this is my fat life. Things have always been this way. I have been struggling to be an acceptable weight my whole life. In my teens I was part of the skinny club, but not without some meal skipping. Usually things are very up and down, especially with 3 pregnancies.
 One day I was busy running around getting my 6 year old daughter ready for school, when she turned to me and said:
"does this jacket make me look fat?"
 I stopped dead in my tracks. "What?"
"Never mind"
 My daughter has never been self conscious before, and I am sure some kid at school made a dumb joke about jackets making kids look fat, but my heart broke at that moment. I realized my battle may someday be hers.
 That was the moment something in me changed. My main goal is life is to raise happy, healthy, confident children. How can I possible do that when my own self worth is so low. I have tried to change many times, and it isn't an easy road. I know the journey ahead isn't going to be smooth sailing. There is going to be failure and fall backs, but I will keep going.
Right now I have 2 goals, Lose weight healthily, and get back into shape and run the shit out of that 13.1 in October.
 I work best with dead line, it forces me to make a plan and stick to it. So I have given my self til my youngest 1st birthday in June to lose 50lbs. That is 2lbs a week, a very reasonable goal. I stared this journey a couple weeks ago and already feel so much better. And I have lost 8lbs :) 
 I am doing this for my children, but mostly I am doing it for me.