This email came with amazing coincidence. This holiday season brought me to my highest weight and lowest view of self worth. I think thats why it made me cry. It reminded me that this is my fat life. Things have always been this way. I have been struggling to be an acceptable weight my whole life. In my teens I was part of the skinny club, but not without some meal skipping. Usually things are very up and down, especially with 3 pregnancies.
One day I was busy running around getting my 6 year old daughter ready for school, when she turned to me and said:
"does this jacket make me look fat?"
I stopped dead in my tracks. "What?"
My daughter has never been self conscious before, and I am sure some kid at school made a dumb joke about jackets making kids look fat, but my heart broke at that moment. I realized my battle may someday be hers.
That was the moment something in me changed. My main goal is life is to raise happy, healthy, confident children. How can I possible do that when my own self worth is so low. I have tried to change many times, and it isn't an easy road. I know the journey ahead isn't going to be smooth sailing. There is going to be failure and fall backs, but I will keep going.
Right now I have 2 goals, Lose weight healthily, and get back into shape and run the shit out of that 13.1 in October.
I work best with dead line, it forces me to make a plan and stick to it. So I have given my self til my youngest 1st birthday in June to lose 50lbs. That is 2lbs a week, a very reasonable goal. I stared this journey a couple weeks ago and already feel so much better. And I have lost 8lbs :)
I am doing this for my children, but mostly I am doing it for me.