So it happened. My motivation has worn down, and I am struggling to keep up with things. This happens every time I try to eat better and lose weight. This is the point I fail. Every time. I start to feel guilty over everything I put in my mouth that is not something I feel I am "supposed to" eat. Then I get angry that I feel guilty. Then I eat in protest starting the cycle from hell. I am fighting things hard this time. literally taking it meal by meal but also trying not to obsess over it. Finding balance has got to be my biggest challenge in the journey.
Recently I read this article. Which got me thinking. I love the article and the message in it. I love the idea of just loving yourself and your body as is. Embracing your differences. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE this woman and her courage to fight the ideas that you have to be a size 2 to be happy and stylish. I want to be like this. I want to love myself, and be happy with how I look no matter what size I am. I hate focusing on what my scale says. And to be 100% honest here, I have always felt like my life would not be good until I lost all the weight. Like being skinny is some magic cure to make you love yourself and your life. A common phrase in my life is "when I lose the weight I will.....". Well that feeling sucks, and those ideas and phrases are toxic. I don't want to wait to start living my life.
With that said, I also feel like trying to get healthy is not a toxic idea. They say you should stop dieting and just love yourself and your life. Well I follow Weight Watchers. I count my points. It is what I need to keep me healthy. I need that control in my life. I have always left WW when I reach the point when I start getting all in my head about diets and guilt and all the shit that goes with that. I try to just love myself and not focus on food. But I always end up fat and unhappy.
So the journey of this fat girl has just got real. Losing weight in a healthy way and not losing myself in my head over it. Not letting the mixed messages of society get to me. Follow MY OWN path to a healthy happy life. But mostly to not wait to start life. Enjoy what happening around me now!